I'm hungover but pretty sure I made history last night

Yes. It's true. I drank way too much last night and I thank/blame 613.

Why? Well I had friends over and love to show off my MPH collection. After MPH2 went so well we decided to throw on the other on MPH3.

More people show up so I'm like and everyone is just AMAZED at the MPHs so I say,

"DON'T WORRY! I HAVE ANOTHER!!!"

So I throw on MPH 1 and way too many shots of beer, an "emergency beer run" and 2 chugging contests later I was like "Guys, guys we need to do this. We need to power through and watch MPH4 Kids!"

If I could remember what had happened on this point I would tell you that I'm almost certain I finished the 4th. However I can't remember if I was even standing. J - I'm pretty sure I called you to tell the exciting news, but I'm not quite sure how that conversation went. I think I just kept saying "I made history, I made history" even though thinking about it now I'd bet that Tony has definitely already done this.

Anyways - it took me about an hour to write this because my hands are shaking too much from this awful hangover type. I hope I did 613 proud and I can't wait to see you all!!!

Happy Holidays!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those who haven't seen it...hell, also for those who have and want to see it again

Question stemming from an incident at work...

At what age is it NOT okay, assuming that there is an age where it is okay, to say "My bad?"

What Would NPH Do?

Awesome New Unrated Trailer for Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay

http://www.canmag.com/nw/9812-harold-kumar-restricted-trailer

The Good Old Days...

Hi all you 613ers!!!

It's been some time since my last post, but I was inspired by a line from an email I received from our very own CC Kitty and Big Ray Hill...

"...We went to 613 this weekend and although it wasn't exactly the same we tried our hardest to let everyone know how cool it could be and how cool it once was. I honestly remember telling someone that there are jars of blood in the basements..."


I mean, if that doesn't warm your heart, what will? Rachel also told me that she was writing the email from William's computer lab. I didn't know it was possible to miss a computer lab but for some reason that got me really sad! Then I remembered that I didn't have to face another brutal central NY winter and I was OK with it (sorry tone).


Anyways, it's been so long and I really miss all of you. Ann made a good point that someone is going to have to get married soon so that we can all have another reunion!


Well, I know this wasn't much of a post but I just wanted to say hello and spread a little holiday cheer!


miss you all!!


bjaeo ;)

diet coke and a pizza please

straight from paris: "The French love MIKA and now so do I!"

T-I-T-S Tits, Tits, Tits?

Not sure if everyone has seen this story, but the Times pretty much lambasted Jets fans for their halftime tradition of gathering on exit ramps - like 400 people at a time - and adapting the J-E-T-S chant to try and get girls to flash.

Sometimes they record the ritual and put it on YouTube.



The Times said that the Giants fans don't do it, and speculated that Jets fans are so bored with losing that they need something else to entertain themselves on game days. Chris, T, what's the deal? Is it as barbaric as the Times says?

Funny Shorts

http://web.mac.com/toddss/ulterior/SHORT_FILMS.html

We just met with this director. You gotta check out "Mano-A-Mano", it's hilarious.

To suppliment Clyde's post....

I found this video on eonline and it nicely lays out the reasoning behind the strike

Inside the Eye of the Storm

Today, between 2,000-4,000 writers, directors, and actors gathered outside of the Fox plaza to protest the producers (aka the studio presidents) and lend their support to the heads of the writers guild as they try to broker a nearly impossible deal that is unlikely to satisfy both sides. Two of my co-workers and I wandered off the Fox Lot this morning and meandered through the throngs of scribes and stars. Judd Apatow was the first famous person I spotted, but I quickly noticed three cast members from "How I Met Your Mother"' (Jason Segal, Colbie Smulders, and Alyson Hannigan). As we worked our way through the crowd, I passed by Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Elliot Gould, Rainn Wilson, and many others. Although I didn't see this for myself, I'm told that Rage Against The Machine performed.

Several lay-offs have already been executed and numerous tv productions have shut down their sets. It's only the first week, but the atmosphere is already getting frantic. Everyday there's hundreds and even thousands of picketers patrolling the studio walls. Tons of people (from PAs to agent's assistants to head writers to costume designers) will be going without pay checks. The studios have yet to feel the heat (many of them still have several new episodes stored up and waiting to be aired), and it's uncertain as to when they might actually feel pressured to make a deal and start things back up. It definitely helps the writers cause that big name celebs like Larry David, James L. Brooks, Judd Apatow, and Julia Louis Dreyfus have showed up in their defense. The writers desperately don't want to get screwed again on after-market sales (profit from DVDs and Internet content), but who knows how long they can hold out?

As I hinted at a few sentences earlier, this will have a resounding impact throughout the entire entertainment industry. Studios and agencies are looking to use this Strike as an opportunity to "trim the fat" and fire those employees and their assistants have either "underperformed" or gained a reputation as being "small-time earners". But beyond studios, tv/movie sets, and agencies... the service industry will also suffer. Writers and execs will no longer meet over drinks or meals. Actors, directors, and execs will meet less frequently because expense accounts will be tightened and fewer and fewer projects will get green-lit. With the service industry loosing money, actors (who make up a large percentage of the waiting staff in Hollywood) will see their day jobs disappear. Not to mention the lower working class that will be hired for a fewer and fewer jobs with the rich upper class guarding their money tightly during this time of uncertainty. I may sound like Chicken Little (announcing that the sky is falling), but several people in high places have voiced their opinions and predicted that this Strike could stretch on for months or even a year...

For the most "insider" coverage on the Writers Strike, check out:

http://www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com/


In regards to the notion that hack writers are demanding a "raise" for sub-par work, that's not actually the case at all. It's a matter of who makes money off of the material that every tv/film writer creates. Writers got screwed back in the 80s on the VHS revenues and they're being very cautious to make sure that they get at least a sliver of money earned on DVD sales and Internet viewings/downloads. Studios are sneaky and greedy and unwilling to budge an inch. They offered writers 0.3% of the revenues from internet sales... giving a clear indication that these two sides are VERY far apart.

Just read this on eonline...

This was in a columnist's weekly chat that I read frequently:

"Not sure if people noticed this, but I was just rewatching the "We're Not From Here" ep of HIMYM and noticed in the "flash-forward" of Marshall and Lily in 2029, there's a newspaper article framed behind Marshall reading "NYC Lawyer Captures Nessie"—looks like Marshall finally found the Loch Ness Monster!"

Get the star, Rockies, the star! Oh, wait

So the Sox win in this, but are they really Bowser?

Are they really sitting back in their lair growing bigger and spikier just waiting for the next mortal to come by and be stomped?

Actually, that doesn't sound too bad.

I don't know how he does this

or whether he's actually levitating, but it looks pretty cool.



anybody have ben crane's email address?

I Love You Weng Weng!

This guy was an actual Filipino tv star in the 1970s...

My boss and I have enoyed numerous viewings of this video montage (set to a rap compilitation... inspired by the 2' 9'' secret agent).

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/2620

beauty pageants are funny

this isn't as bad as ms. south carolina's flop on the national stage, but it's still pretty bad.

Soldier doing Will Ferrel doing Harry Caray

This is funny. I think.

just in case you didn't think i really did it

i have pictures to prove i finished the half marathon

- and yes, that is an original Bryan Birbiglia, 613 Production i'm wearing.


in the zoo...



almost there....


it's like i scored a TD for the pats

New Music for You

Last week I went to 2 concerts at this bar Toads Place in New Haven

Since it is practically on the Yale campus they have this great history of concerts...Rolling Stones, U2, Bob Dylan etc
Unfortunately they havent been up to that caliber, but after being closed for a few months and just recently reopening, hopefully they will get back on track

Anyway, both concerts were really really great

Kings of Leon
was on Monday and while it was a last minute decision to go to this one, it ended up being Sam Adams
we even met the band at a bar we stopped in before the show

JJ Grey & Mofro
was on Friday and I seriously suggest everyone listen to all the songs on their site and you west coasters look into their show in hollywood the start of november
so very very good

So this is strange...

I didn't know this before today, and figured I would share.

I read this article about Nestle Waters (which sells brands including Perrier, Poland Spring and Deer Creek) building a new water bottling plant in Indiana. I didn't really care until I read that the plant is just going to hook up the municipal water supply and bottle the tap water that comes out. And they're not even going to run it through a Brita first.

Turns out a bunch of the other water-bottlers do this too. Apparently this is old news, because I found a bunch of articles from July on CNN.com. Anyway, It threw me because these companies seem to be so blatantly misleading with their ads.

Here's one of the articles from this summer, about Pepsi's Aquafina brand.



Anyway, not sure if everyone knew this already. But I think it's gross - first that if we buy Perrier it could just be Indiana tap water, and second, that I've spent probably $100 on the stuff over the past year while turning my nose up at my own tap water.

As a husband, I am extremely offended

Ever since the wedding, these fucking people at www.thenest.com won't leave my Inbox alone. Usually I just "Mark as Read" and ignore any messages from them (That's right Tina, I leave them in my inbox, unfiled, even though they are junk) - but this one is too ridiculous to ignore.

It's an ad for this game: http://www.thenest.com/games/marriageinvaders/

Check out the 'Man Crimes' to be 'eliminated':
Hand-in-pants while watching sports (called 'Useless')
Beer
Meat
Porn
Football

WTF?

Granted, the 'Wife Crimes' are equally offensive. But, honestly, Meat, Football, Hand in Pants and Beer? This game should just be called Succubus Training or Neuter Your Husband and Marry a Pier1 Salesman.

"Lets call Rand!"

Just because i've never seen it before

Really?

I will admit it I have a soft spot for the Mets broadcasting team. Gary is a solid, durable straight man how rarely hurts a broadcast. Ron Darling is intelligent, usually insightful and about as well spoken as an athlete you can listen to. Keith is Keith and deserves no explanation. I never would call the trio GREAT however. I mean they go on for innings at a time about Crocs, highlighters or anything else Keith whats to talk about on a given day. So when ESPN.com ran this, I was a little surprised. But in the course of my reading it, Beltran and Alou hit back to back jacks. So even though I am convinced that Bry and I could do it, its not that bad having the best broadcasting booth in MLB.

In other news, I am in college again and that is kinda weird, but I did get to spend last Saturday night premiering MPH4Kids and teaching a group of people how to play drunk MarioCart. So, it can't be that bad, can it.

If only we were so lucky...

I am currently visting my brother for the night at Eastern Connecticut University.

What did we do for dinner you ask? Well let me tell you

There is this wonderful Campus Misionary house that has a FREE Pasta dinner every Thursday night.

Fo' Free?

Yes, Fo' Free.

My brother said he and his friends discovered this sometime last semester...let me walk you through it...

-Park on the street outside the house a block from his dorm
-Walk into the house (door already open)
-Immediatly get in line and grab a REAL fork, napkin and Chinet plate
-Hit up the garlic bread station, the salad (with 2 different kinds of bell peppers) salad station, the pasta station, doubling back by the bread for the gratted cheese and finally to the Kool-aid station before going out on the porch to eat
-Upon completion of food go in for seconds
-Upon completion of seconds, simply cross just through the threshold of the front door to throw the now empty plate in the garbage and toss the fork into a basket nearby
-Turn around and walk right back out that door

THE END

At no point were we asked to sign up for anything or give anyone anywhere any type of "donation" (do I sound like a heartless bastard not wanting to donate one measly dollar for a belly filling dinner? so be it...I work at Borders for crackers sake)
We went the entire FREE and satisfying meal without once encountering any people who resided in or worked at this Campus Misionary House and my brother said that given their appearence at this dinner every Thursday, they rarely see the people behind the scenes either

In conclusion, while I was sitting outside on the porch during the onset of evening on this beautiful day and ate what really was the closest thing to a free meal I could ever ask for... I couldn't help but dream of how perfect of a precurser this would have been to Thursday night bowling...

Updates From SoCal

613 NEWS

Jared and Jeff arrived only a week ago, but we've already enjoyed some crazy saki bombs and drunken laser tag... plus we competed in the opening night of the Hollywood Assistants Beer Pong League, and this past weekend we secured a sweet beach pad in Playa Del Rey. Add to that, the fact that they both accomplished the "Rand Geiger Taco Bell Taco Challenge," and I think it's fair to say that this has been a fairly productive last couple of days.

On Saturday night, we got a call from the landlord of the first apartment to which we applied... a 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom, 2-story apartment that's just 7 blocks off the beach. We've got a big family room, a nice sized-balcony, and a huge dining room with a fireplace. Also, we're getting new kitchen countertops. What's more, we've got the corner apartment in a complex with soundproof doors and windows... so there's very little threat of upsetting our neighbors with the noise level of our late-night parties. We're pretty excited and definitely stoked to start filling up the place with our furniture and toys. We'll post pictures once everything is set-up... and of course, everyone is welcome and encouraged to come out and visit.

Our address:

8644 Falmouth Ave.
Apt. 5
Playa Del Rey, CA 90293


HOLLYWOOD NEWS

-After an alleged suicidal-overdose, Owen Wilson is apparently feeling better. Last Thursday, he called up Shawn Levy and invited him over to play catch. When I drove Shawn's car around the next day, I noticed the ball and glove still resting in the passenger seat (ready for another bonding session if Owen needed it).

-Vanessa Hudgens... I'm hoping that this little incident might lower her to a level that I might some day be able to reach.

-Flight of the Chords... I met these guys on Friday. They were pretty chill and very similar to the personas they portray on HBO. Also, their accents are irresistibly fun to imitate.

All Blacks Rugby

I've been meaning to write this for awhile.

I think we should get into rugby. I know, it's strange to post it right in the beginning of the football season - but it took week 1 for me to remember the joy of watching large dudes pummel each other all afternoon.

First reason to watch: For hits, rugby is just as good as football.



(I do realize that all of these players are cabbage-eared and probably heavily concussed. I still think the NFL and rugby authorities should pay more attention to long term problems from concussions, but Rand's comment cured me of fretting over it too much).

Second reason to watch: It's international. Like with soccer, there's a Rugby World Cup every four years. In between, there are all sorts of qualifying whatevers and tournaments that are fun to watch.

Third, it's easy to understand. The teams line up, run at each other until the ball hits the ground, scramble for it, and hit each other some more. Here's an EA Sports introduction to it:



There are plenty of teams to root for (though it usually comes down to South Africa, England, Australia and New Zealand) it's fun to watch, easy to understand, and the hits are as big as football. The games are intense (a game I saw in New Zealand vs. England drew about 100,000 maniacs). I like New Zealand, because that's where I was introduced to rugby and they do the haka before games to intimidate their opponents. I should also add that the NCAA's Western Athletic Conference effectively banned Hawaii from doing this before games, because they called it "Unsportsmanlike Conduct". Pussies.



The only downside is that it can be hard to find a place to watch. But with the plethora of sports bars in all of our cities, it's certainly doable.

But, seriously, check out these highlights and honestly say you don't want to get into it.



And let's do it now. The World Cup is on right now and hardly ever - if ever - on Sundays. Here's the schedule. And, it's still in pool stages and will be done by the end of October. It's a quick hit of easy-to-understand violence and international passion to get us started on the game.

Here's an intro to the 2007 World Cup:

Who sucks more? Bill Belichick vs. Karl Rove

The hard part about this question is that they are practically the same person. Both of them have cool nicknames to show how smart they are: Boy Wonder for Belichick (dating back to his days as one of the youngest coaches in the league) and Boy Genius for Rove (who was also called Turd Blossom by his boss). Both of them grew up steeped in their future professions. Rove was reading immense military and political history books when he was a child, Belichick was scouting games with his dad when he was 11. Both of them are really fucking smart and have a win-at-all-costs attitude, whether it's sacrificing Ted Johnson's memory or Valerie Plame's career - they do what it takes to get the W. That includes spying on their opponents. Rove famously bugged the headquarters of his Democratic opponents in Texas, Belichick videotapes opposing coaches' signals.

Both have turned around previously incompetent organizations and rebuilt them in their image - under Rove's guidance the neoconservative arm of the Republican party stormed from oblivion into complete control of the country. Belichick has turned Tony Eason's warriors into, well, the Pats. Yet both have experienced crushing failure at the highest levels, for Rove it's the War in Iraq and the 2006 elections, for Belichick it was Cleveland and the Jets - jury's still out on whose train wreck was worse.

But it's in that failure that we see who sucks more. And the answer is clearly Karl Rove. After bombing with the Browns and Jets, Belichick built the Pats. When the Pats failed last year he went out and surrounded himself with the most competent supporting cast available. Rove, on the other hand, has crumbled after his first real failure and his career as a chief political architect is probably over. Socially, they both suck - but Rove sucks a little more. Sure, Belichick broke up at least one marriage and then paid the women a massive allowance (presumably to keep quiet about it). But there's definitely no video of MC Belichick floating around YouTube:



Yeah, he really definitely sucks more, but it's close.

Is now the wrong time for Rand to go for Vanessa Hudgens?

So yesterday the news hit that she had taken some naked pictures of herself (and maybe her psychotic looking boyfriend who Rand railed against before had taken some too) and they got on the net. Now they're everywhere. She's probably pretty upset, because this might mean she loses her job at High School Musical...Should Rand move in? Rand, what are your plans?

This popcorn is so good....

Take a Walk With Me...

Go figure that it is about 2yrs since this was shot that I finally got it all edited together and posted

Now just a few heads up before you enjoy...

Please forgive the:
-random bursts of loud static that occur every once in a while in the first third of the video...they do taper off
-the extensive attention paid to my room...I am the one who shot this after all
-the darkness. the camera didn't adjust for the darker to lighter areas all too great

And with that, I am proud to present to you all...

A tour of 613 Hudson circa September 2005

Relevant Quote to my life...

This summer at a party I learned that there was a small but important difference between peeing in a pool and peeing into a pool. Location. Location Location.

-Dmitri Martin

Good Old iPod...

So I had my iPod on shuffle while driving into work today and what comes on but the wonderful rendition of November Rain by Chicken Legs

Luckily, there are moments of good things to bring a smile to my face while driving to the 7hrs of book boredom I had ahead of me...because it is honestly, so painful to listen to

Whenever I thought I had as much as I could take of the random mumblings standing in for lyrics, Lim's voice will come out of nowhere saying "We want to thank you all for comin out" or Mark's voice will fight its way though the chatter to perform the sporadic "moan" or some other great decipherable chatter ie "This is our time," "This is for CRASH," "TIMMMMYYY," "But we don't have to shout.," "Another guitar solo?!"

And as if it were meant to be, as I was pulling into the parking garage, the perfect moment that made the 6min 8second jumble of noises worth it came on...the instrumental ending with a movie perfect voice over of, "Spring Break 98! No parents no rules!"

With that moment fresh in my head, it took me an unheard of hour, versus mere minutes, of being at work before I realized where I was and was miserable...so for that, I thank you Chicken Legs care of Dimples

Which 24 character are you?

1. If you were a Molotov cocktail component, you’d be the…
A. gasoline
B. bottle
C. rag
D. cork
E. igniter

2. If you were a time of day, you’d be…
A. morning
B. noon
C. evening
D. night
E. late night

3. If you were a breed of dog, you’d be…
A. German Shepherd
B. poodle
C. mastiff
D. mutt
E. foxhound

4. If you were an amendment to the Constitution, you’d be…
A. Freedom of Speech (First Amendment)
B. Right to Bear Arms (Second Amendment)
C. Right to Avoid Self-Incrimination (Fifth Amendment)
D. Due Process and Equal Protection (Fourteenth Amendment)
E. No Unlawful Search and Seizure (Fourth Amendment)

5. If you were a kind of tape, you’d be…
A. Duct tape
B. Cassette tape
C. Double-sided tape
D. Caution tape
E. Red tape

6. If you were a U2 song, you’d be…
A. “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”
B. “Mysterious Ways”
C. “Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get out Of”
D. “I Will Follow”
E. “Beautiful Day”

7. If you were a famous plane crash victim, you’d be…
A. Will Rogers
B. Glenn Miller
C. Patsy Cline
D. Joseph P Kennedy Jr
E. Buddy Holly

8. If you were a classic spying technique, you’d be…
A. False flag operations
B. honeypot
C. black bag operations
D. dead drop
E. agent handling

9. If you were something you remove at airport security, you’d be a…
A. belt
B. shoes
C. laptop
D. pocket change
E. cell phone

10. If you were a conspiracy theory, you’d be…
A. The grassy knoll
B. Area 51
C. Elvis sightings
D. Apollo moon-landing hoax
E. Freemasons control the world

If you had to kill one, which would you choose?

My boss is on vacation. So I am on vacation, only at work.

If you had to kill one professional sports league, would you choose MLB or NFL? (I'm leaving the NBA and NHL out of this because they're already dead.)

My first consideration is that, after one is gone, we'll be left with only one pro sport to watch (discounting EPL, MLS, NBA, NHL, because nobody here watches those regularly anyway.) So, which sport would you be more willing to devote all of your sports-appreciation research energy to?

It has to be baseball. Casual fans sometimes complain that baseball is too boring. But, the more you watch baseball the more interesting it becomes. Stuck with one sport all year casual fans would be forced to learn the game and appreciate its finer points.

The opposite is true with football. It's great if you're a casual fan, but the more you hear about the sport the less appealing it becomes. First, there's the concussions and long-term injuries. Athletes just a few years removed from the game are in deep depression, have permanent brain damage, are killing themselves for no apparent reason, and the league isn't helping. Sure, the hits are fun, but who wants to see these men slowly killing themselves (at worst) or permanently damaging their legs? It's uncomfortable. The more you learn about football, the less fun it is to watch.

Steroids, of course, take away from baseball. But they do that to football, too. Add to that dogfighting, and all of the shit tracked at ProFootballTalk's Turd Watch, and it's clear that baseball players are more likeable, too.


Second, game format.

This point goes to football. Sitting down on a Sunday at 1, you know exactly how long you'll be there (which is probably until 12, after SNF wraps up). Football games are far more watchable than baseball. Whether it's the clock or the action, spending an entire sunday in front of the NFL is easy. Watching even one baseball game, if it gets past the 3 1/2 hour to 4 hour range, can become tedious for any fan. Again, though, watching three straight games after you learn what these guys are doing to themselves can be disconcerting. But the format is still better, so football gets the point.

Third, season format.

Baseball, no doubt. It's a marathon, sure. But fans become much more deeply invested in their teams than do football fans. While football makes each game matter a whole lot more, and thus makes each individual game a little more tense, and pressure filled, baseball slowly drags you in until, after the ups and downs of an entire season you feel nervous for the entire month of September no matter what you're doing. It becomes part of your life. Watching football is a hobby, watching baseball is a lifestyle choice.

Fourth, playoffs.

Toss-up, to Baseball. Football's playoffs take the best part of any potential baseball playoff series (Game 7) and make it the entire series. Imagine all of the excitement for an entire baseball playoff series packed into one game. That said, it's a flash in the pan. Baseball's playoffs are the right balance of drawn out tension and packed excitement, balanced perfectly between the NBA and NFL. To see which is better, compare two of the greatest Championship performances in recent history: Sox-Yankees in 2004 and Colts-Pats in 2006. Colts-Pats was an incredible game, but then it was over. Sox-Yankees built, and built and built until Game 7 and something legendary happened. Just the thought that we might see an epic comeback and slow collapse makes baseball's playoff format better.

Throw in the uniquely baseball personal accomplishments that fans might see on any give day - the perfect game, no hitter, cycle, 4 HRs, 5 stolen bases, unassisted triple play - and the fact that Wiffle Ball is more fun than touch football, and it's clear which league needs to stay.


So, I would kill the NFL. Because baseball is more intensive for fans, it gets better the more you know about it, and the playoffs are the playoffs. For all that, I'll trade an occasional drawn-out game.

Who's Your TV Alter Ego? #1

So a while ago my brother bought me a book entitled Who’s Your TV Alter Ego?
After thumbing through the book and figuring out some of my alter egos I realized that this book provides countless blog posts because the book includes many of our favorite shows.

Logistically, I will post the actual quizzes, and then in a comment you will provide me with your answers and I will then apply them to the rubric in the book and post your results in another comment.

Here we go…(just something to keep in mind to get the most accurate results, answer what you would BE, not simple the one you like the most)

Which Arrested Development character are you?

1. If you were a one-it wonder, you’d be…
A. “Mickey”
B. “Take on Me”
C. “Who Let the Dogs Out”
D. “Bette Davis Eyes”
E. “Sister Christian”
F. “99 Luftballons”

2. If you were a card game, you’d be…
A. bridge
B. war
C. solitaire
D. go fish
E. hearts
F. euchre

3. If you were a brand of soap, you’d be…
A. Ivory
B. Dial Antibacterial
C. Calgon
D. Lifebuoy
E. Irish Spring
F. Neutrogena

4. If you were a famous family, you’d be…
A. the Kennedys
B. the Jacksons
C. the Rockefellers
D. the Vanderbilts
E. the Osbournes
F. the Partridge Family

5. If you were a magic trick, you’d be…
A. “Pick a card, any card”
B. saw the assistant in half
C. rabbit out of a hat
D. vanishing act
E. escaping from chains
F. never-ending scarf from sleeve

6. If you were a vegetable, you’d be…
A. eggplant
B. spinach
C. celery
D. iceberg lettuce
E. radish
F. cauliflower

7. If you were a Robin Williams movie, you’d be…
A. Club Paradise
B. Mrs. Doubtfire
C. Hook
D. Jumanji
E. Deconstructing Harry
F. The World According to Garp

8. If you were a football penalty, you’d be…
A. false start
B. pass interference
C. delay of game
D. holding
E. roughing the kicker
F. clipping

9. If you were a type of house, you’d be…
A. ranch
B. Colonial
C. Victorian
D. Tudor
E. Split-level
F. Modern

10. If you were a cheese, you’d be…
A. American
B. Swiss
C. Sharp cheddar
D. Brie
E. Monterey Jack
F. Velveeta

The Office

Nooooooooooooo!

I don't know if I should tell you to read the link, or let you continue to live in blissful ignorance. It's a scandal bigger than Vick, bigger than Donaghy, bigger than Watergate. It's crushing, yet probably expected. Yet still crushing.

I'm sure you knew it was coming, but didn't - couldn't - admit it. I couldn't. But now it's been admitted....Man vs. Wild is fake. Fuck!

Washington Post article on Donaghy

The Washington Post has a great article this morning about independent analysis of Tim Donaghy's recent games. It points, pretty clearly, to something fishy on his part.

Read this, for example:

According to Bell, from Jan. 1, 2007, to the end of the regular season, the opening betting line -- the number that states which team is favored and by how many points -- of 12 games officiated by Donaghy changed 1 1/2 or more points, which is an indication that a lot of money had been bet. In those 12 games in which the money was predominately on one side, the money was right in 10 of them.

"Guys betting big money were right 10 out of 12 times," Bell said. "To me, that's a key number. Going 10-2, the odds of that are only 2 percent randomly."

Obviously, this does not prove Donaghy's guilt. But who's still uncertain? The FBI says this is part of a larger investigation into organized crime, and I don't usually bet against the FBI. If they are willing to let this go public, I'm sure they're convinced they're on to something. And if the FBI says he's guilty, he probably is.

The full article is here.By the way, Donaghy was earning $260,000 a year.

MPH and The Wizard: A marriage legitimized by Wikipedia

After a long week of work, I arrived home last Friday night with a take-out bag from In 'N Out and the mindset that I would be totally fine with just getting drunk to MPH4 Kids again, and then maybe walking to a nearby bar... of course, I was in no mood to walk anywhere after knocking down a double-double with animal style fries, and drinking to a movie power hour... still, Shotty and I felt the need to do something productive and that's when we discovered the new alternative to the prank phone call... making additions and alterations to Wikipedia pages.

On the Cortland page, Dan expanded their list of "Famous Alumni" to include "A lot of shitty football players who lost to Ithaca." On the Tony Danza page, Shotty felt compelled to clarify the fact that Tony has been "repeatedly snubbed by the Emmy's." Unfortunately, both of these addidtions were erased within 24 hours of their posting.

On the bright side, the update I made to "The Wizard" is still standing (four days later). Check out this link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wizard_%28film%29

and take a look at the "Trivia" section. The fourth bullet down should still read something like this: "The Wizard anchors every Movie Power Hour"... I will be very impressed and proud if this thing holds up... and who would dare change that bit of trivia... it is the truth after all.

Man Record

I'm going to make this short and sweet.

Tina was in macy's looking to purchase something from Zoe and Dre's wedding registry. Dre and Zoe didnt register for a wedding, they registered for a committment ceremony. Is it more likely that dre is a woman or that zoe is a man?

Tough Question...

Donaghy Situation

So everyone knows an NBA ref has been accused of shaving points. This is beyond belief, and hopefully it either kills the NBA or jars it to the point that it becomes watchable again. Simmons has a great piece on the whole scenario. After you read it, you'll want to check out this post on Deadspin, they have video from that wretched Game 3 of the Spurs-Suns series - which Donaghy reffed and Simmons mentions.

Along with Vick and the simmering concussion debate in the NFL, Bonds in MLB, more doping in cycling, potential steroids in golf - this is turning into a watershed year for professional sports in America.

On a semi-related note, will American fans be disgruntled enough by the dirt in the rest of our pro sports to begin watching MLS (clean, so far)? I think these scandals are good for MLS and David Beckham, who's made it his personal crusade to bring soccer to America.

Batchelorette Party

So my bachelorette party was this weekend and it was pretty ridiculous. Here are some of the highlights I thought I would share, broken down by location:

here is a play by play of the evening's memorable events, broken down by location.

PF Changs:
-kyle pops up out of no where and surprises me. my girlfriends from school, sarah, jacqui, and jess are there. so is one of kyle's best friends from college who i adore who lives in boston.
-we eat dinner and start drinking
- they give me a sash and a GIANT PINK TRUCKER HAT that says "LUSHING BRIDE" which i obviously wear proudly for the rest of the evening.

Sweetwater: (the Mooonies of downtown boston, right across from NESL)
- the rest of the girls from my class are there!
- we all start taking shots
-they give me a tee shirt to wear with a list of stuff i have to make guys do by the end of the night, and a marker they can use to initial every completed task.
- i take another shot, drink a beer start collecting signatures.
- i go up to some guys and tell them they can choose a task to do. they stare at my chest for 3 minutes. i turn to kyle and say VERY loudly "they are just looking at my tits!!"
- guy #1 drops his pants and shows me his boxers. he initials
- guy #2 takes a condom out of his wallet and blows it up like a balloon. i make sure he has another one in case he hooks up that night-- i said i didn't want him to have unsafe sex because of me. he assured me it was fine and then kissed me on the neck. nice! i give the condom to the bartender who is laughing hysterically at me. she proudly displays it over the draught beers. he initials.
-- i take more shots and approach another group of guys, hoping to have my entire shirt accomplished by the end of the night. i tell this one to "tell me about his sex life." kyle was with me. he told us he "fucked some girl on wednesday night" and when i said "who is this person?" he said, "well she wasn't really a person..." kyle and i took this as an opportunity to laugh openly at him for five minutes until he got so pissed that he refused to sign. when he offered to initial "show me your six pack" i counted and said, "sorry you can't sign-- i only see five!!" his friends were laughing hysterically at him. he sulked.
-- i call ann and blab to her on the phone. this turns out to be my only phone call of the night.
-- more shots.

Boston Subway System
-- i get on and bee line to a group of guys
-- they all do tasks and initial
-- my friends are taking pictures
--strangers are laughing at me
-- i see guys from my high school who recognized my sister randomly on the street. i spank their bottoms. they initial the tee shirt.


Tequila Rain
-- i take more shots and start dancing WILDLY, definitely waving my elbows everywhere. this is where things start to get hazy.
-- a crazy, disgusting bald guy starts dancing around us. we try to ignore him but he is just too obnoxious.
-- kyle tells him, "could you please dance elsewhere? we are just trying to have fun with our friends." he retailiates by slapping/grabbing kyle's ass. kyle turns around and SMACKS HIM as hard as she can! he recoils-- he is shocked and a little in pain. kyle gets the bouncer and has him thrown out. the party rejoices. everyone buys kyle a shot.
-- everyone keeps dancing. i dance with a crazy gay guy who is trying to show off. he does NOT want to dance with me because i am such a mess. i am no longer collecting signatures
-- the night is over when i realize that i am obliviously dancing all by myself. everyone else is tired or had to leave to get the train. kyle and i go home to my apartment where dre has pizza waiting for us. sammy c calls saying i could come over for weed. i pass out while on the phone with him

that's pretty much all i can remember, or what has been told to me. illustrations are forthcoming. i can't wait to see you all at the wedding! xoxo

Monday

I have a gigantic zit on the right side of my nose. Its thick and whitecapped but to hard to pop. Going to have to look like a sophmore in high school for the first half of the week. ETA for coffee shit 11:15

Lingerie Party 2

There were 5 types of people at this thing.

The meatheads made their presence immediately known. When models walked by outside on their way in to the club, the meatheads shouted "Heeeeey pretty lady." Once inside, they wore sunglasses and, when Jay-Z said 'Wave' over the techno remix, boy did they wave.

Most of the 'just a bit too old to be here' crowd sat on the torn couches downing beer and talked, probably, about their investments while all feeling self-conscious about their receding hairlines.

Once, on the of the 'just a bit too old' crowd sidled up, with one hand in his Wranglers, next to a meathead dancing with a girl and tried, without saying a word, to get in on the dance. He failed.

Third, there were, of course, the awkward 20 somethings who didn't know what to do with their non-beer hand and looked as if they were spending quite a bit of concentration trying to solve that problem. And, fourth, there was a smattering of legitimate old man. Nobody (and maybe not even themselves) was sure how they got in, and nobody could figure out whether they were fun-loving grandpas living it up (like Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine) or creepy old men checking out their grandchildren's best friends.

Fifth, there were women. Two types of women, actually: Paid and unpaid, with the former all dressed in small black dresses and substantially outnumbering the latter. But both looked like they had about the same interest in being there.

Of course, there were also the models, but they did not mingle with the crowd at all, prompting one genius to say - upon getting in the front door - "Wow, it's a sausage fest in here." No shit, friend.

Finally, there was the MC. And it was MJ from the Real World: Philadelphia. No kidding, and when he came out on stage he got booed worse than Fenway booed Bonds. He stuck with it, though, and, when it turned out that many of the models were go-go dancers at Boston clubs he stuck with his line of "Let's see some of those go-go moves."

And then everyone exited the club into an alley.

A night in Text Messages

Last night Mike Darman got a bunch of us tickets to the Budweiser Select Stuff Magazine Lingerie party. The party was essentially an all you can drink bud select shit show at this night club in boston with hot women models who were paid to make the crowd look good. There were some fantastic nude ice sculptures and more dudes than i've ever seen in one venue. One of the best parts of the night was the ability to get your picture taken in front of a bud select banner with the hot and skimpy black dress wearing bud models.

This was my night told in text messages:
9:29 To Christina Capozzi: Listening to rehab mixed with toxic at a sausage fest
9:30 Christina Capozzi: Rehab?
9:51 Christina Capozzi: Going to bed soon.
10:01 To Ryan Harper: Just leaving the office shoot me tell me all i missed was a sausage fest with ugly girls
10:33 Hottest girls ever. Jake is bangimng in the bathroo$m.
10:40 To Lim Young: Bud party. Lewd women wish you were here
10:41 Lim Young: Its always worth it
10:50 Ryan Harper: Yea right f you
10:55 To Ryan Harper: Have fun cheering for oba$a while kalos gets laid. They are SO east tonight.
11:25 To Ryan Harper: I just licked tits
11:27 To Ryan Harper: Hilary is going to toss your dalad and winm
11:29 Ryan Harper: Hey make sure that entrance to your office is clean tom or mike d is gonna put you on bathroom duty again
11:37 Ryan Harper: Just let me be alone in my misery

2 weeks baby

Until the greatest reunion in the history of mankind...a few questions:

How's everybody getting there? We're having the real bachelor party the night before? right? right? Who's gonna kill Lukas? Who is Sam going to pee on? What's everybody wearing? What's the deal with the ties? Who's gonna make a complete ass out of themselves at the reception? Who's golfing?

Who's gonna piss off chris? When are we gonna play J's sweetass song-game...how about during the reception? Barton's Anyone? Who's hooking up with zoe's sister(s)? (just kidding zoe), (Or am I?) How many Steel Reserve's will Tony smuggle into the reception hall? Is Tony invited?

What's the plan for Friday night? Will green cupcakes be involved?

Man I can't wait...

Oh and Chris, on your facebook pictures for Tina's Bday, how come theres like one friggin' picture of Tina?


-Mark

P.S. Just kidding zoe for real...your wedding is gonna kick fantastic ass

In honor of us, mark's return, and sammyC

Well, it's been 18 months of blogdom for 613hudson, almost to the day, and I'd like to take the occasion to point out that we're just about to pass 10,000 hits.

That's pretty good, it means we're averaging about 550 hits a month, or 18 a day. Pretty impressive, and a vast improvement from the first few weeks of the blog, when, anxious to get the blog off the ground, SammyC posted about 3 times an hour and garnered about 3 comments a week.

Anyway, with every member of 613 having written or commented in the past few days (not every member of the blog, though, where are you guys?) I think it's time to honor our 1 1/2 years of existence, and show SammyC some respect for starting this thing (he has taken a bit of a beating lately). To do that, we should relive the very first post of the blog:

Senior Year: first trivia night

Who has hosted SNL a record 13 times?

What is the highest populated Muslim nation?

What bar in Ithaca use to have a fun trivia night before they hired two indie music guys to ask lame questions, and give away fewer prizes?


That was by SammyC, and got - yup - 0 responses. Let's at least get one or two this time.

Man Record

So, sometimes at work I submit a piece of writing and it needs to get edited before I can go home. Like right now, at 5:41 on Wednesday. While I'm waiting, here's a post I've been waiting to make.

Sam peed in the pool at Tina's party at least 12 times. I think it got above that later on Saturday night, but that's not the point. He was doing his best to make everyone else pee too, and having a rough go of it. At one point, he came over to me and, in all seriousness, said "There's nothing wrong with peeing in the pool. It's easy. I'll show you. We can go in the corner and hold hands and pee."

And at that exact moment I was struck with the idea for a man record: A criminal record for manliness. Basically, a permanent record, maintained on the blog, into which everybody's less-than-manly actions are entered. I'm open to expanding the definition to include degrees of violation (felony, misdemeanor etc).

Anyone can enter anything onto anybody else's man record with the understanding that, if a majority of us disagree, the ruling is overturned.

With that said, who opposes adopting the man record and making Sam's "Piss with me" statement the inaugural offense?

DAMN IT!

I hate this guy.

Vanessa Hudgens, star of "High School Musical", was supposed to be my girlfriend, and now it's been confirmed that she's dating this douche bag (who according to the article I just read, doesn't even consider the two to be "exclusive"... so while she's insanely gorgeous and totally "in" to him, he still thinks he can do better and is looking to play the field... this has all the makings of a Mario Lopez/Ali Landry style break-up).

Two months ago, Vanessa Hudgens walked into our production bungalow at "21 Laps", anxious and excited to audition for a role in our upcoming Fox film, "The Rocker." Only a few days earlier, I had exchanged pleasantries and sat across from JoJo, who was kind of cute in a girl-next-door sort of sense, but she certainly didn't blow you away. Even Christina Applegate, who was amazingly hot in "Anchorman", sat on our couch and I could hardly even tell it was her. But, Vanessa Hudgens... OH MY GOD!

I was in Shawn's office, going over some stuff with him when Hudgens gingerly planted herself on the loveseat in the front room of our building. At the time, Shawn was in "full prep" mode on "The Way Back" and so he didn't have much time for a meet-and-greet with Hudgens, but he did want to say a brief "hello" before heading up to a meeting with the President of Fox Searchlight (and before Hudgens stepped in for her audition with our other producer). So Shawn and I exit his office (he's in the lead, I'm following a few feet behind), and Hudgens, who had been absent-mindedly leafing through a magazine, immediately perks up. She's ready to schmooze and Shawn is armed with a few kind words of his own. He explains that he has three daughters at home and so Vanessa is actually already a big star in his household. Hudgens is gracious and tells him that she'll sign some posters and send them over to our bungalow right away. After a beat, Hudgens looks over to me (the mystery man in Shawn's wake, who - from all she can surmise - might be an influential producer). She extends her hand and smiles, "I'm Vanessa." The sparks are palpable as I complete the handshake and coolly respond, "I'm Rand... it's nice to meet you." And then Shawn gives me the cue; he needs to get up to see Peter Rice, and I'm the one holding the keys to the golf kart. I flash a quick smile and I'm out the door.

As soon as we're no longer within earshot, Shawn enthusiastically proclaims, "She's f#cking HOT! When did that happen?" I laugh and nod in agreement, "I know she looks unbelievable, right?" Shawn ponders something for a split second and then advises me, "You should date her." I'm temporarily dumbstruck by this suggestion... I've never seen a girl this stunning and the notion of dating her seems beyond unattainable. "Well yeah obviously, but I'm going to need some help man," I tell Shawn, half in jest. "Okay," he assures me, "we're still looking to cast the role of Steph in 'The Way Back' (sidenote: the role of Steph calls for an extremely hot girl to walk around in a bikini for the majority of her time on screen). Give Casting a call and tell them to have Vanessa audition for that part as well. That way you could have her around all summer."

Two seconds later I'm on the phone, talking with one of our casting associates, "...Hudgens. Yeah, the girl from 'High School Musical.' Shawn said he wanted her to read for the role of Steph at the next session. Awesome. Thanks." I drop Shawn off, breath a sigh of excitement, and then take a moment to daydream about what life might be like if this spontaneously crafted plan were to actually work out in my favor.

The next day Vanessa returned to audition for the role of Steph. Unfortunately, my dreamgirl's first read didn't stack up to the readings by some of the more seasoned actresses... plus, she had a music tour slated for Latin America this summer and it would have been hard to make her schedule fit in to ours... but for one day, I was free to imagine that our paths might join up. And who knows, they still might. Like I said, her boyfriend's attitude seems strikingly similar to that of a complete moron who would cheat on one of the most beautiful girls in the world (I'm referring to you Slater). My guess is, if I were to ask her, "Where you gonna be in five years?"... I could confidently answer my own question, "Not with him!"

More 613tina's bday...

How can we forget SammyC's revision of Do, Date, Dump.

The new version? Anal, Blowjob, 69. Why? Because in this one everyone's a winner!

Yup, that sounds about right.


I guess while we wait for Chris' awesome video to work you can watch this:


Or, if you don't feel like jumping off a bridge tonight, this:

With a name like Six-ThirTINA, how could her Bday not be epic?

First and foremost...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TINA!!

Things learned this weekend:

-Limmer, according to his t-shirt, is Always Worth It (well I guess I always kinda knew that one)
-Sam makes one helluva Sand Transsexual
-With my and Bry's powers combined we make some kick ass bacon
-Sam's Club guacamole is absolutely superb and will quickly be devoured if put on a table at a pool party
-Carib beer is short for Caribbean (again, I guess that was always a given but some pick up on stuff like this a little slower than others)
-CCKitty has an odd infatuation with Brys nips
-T is a pool guru
-Tina's family makes the best pasta salad
-Maria usually eats Christina's insides...of her bagels that is
-Sam's naked physic looks wonderful in Tina's apron (especially wonderful to Mel)
-There is such a place called Andrea Lane chock full of sweat pants, wine, and slow dancing
-Zoe randomly will string ghetto slang phrases together if let speak long enough (ie. "That wedding was crap town and ours is gonna out puff puff")
-If Sam, Lim, Dre, and J are drunk and awake...no one is allowed to sleep

and finally

-I am the reigning king of the Pool Circuit Time trials as evidenced by a video I am trying to get onto youtube to in turn post here...watch for it soon

MPH4 Kids

I don't mean to butt in and steal up blog space with tales of mine, Shotty, and Fortune's West Coast revelry --- because I definitely want to hear about Tina's birthday. Bry was relaying a hilarious Limmer moment to me and I can't wait to learn more --- but, we did just premiere MPH4 Kids this past Saturday night (and we followed that up with a Middle School Dance Party and a 7th Grade Sleep Over). All in all, it was a great night. After a little trouble with DVD Studio Pro, everything ran smoothly. People seemed to have a blast, no neighbors complained, and MPH4 Kids got a very warm reception. This could very well be the best movie power hour to date... I feel confident saying it's that good. I'm sure you guys are going to really like it. In fact, I was telling Shotty about how I was getting goosebumps while envisioning the inevitable seizure Tony will have after witnessing the opening. The new menu is fantastic (Dan did a great job and we certainly upped the ante), the order feels perfect (I'm very happy with the ending sequence of films), and it just rubs me as a great facilitator of an awesome drunken night with friends. I know I'm hyping it a ridiculous amount, but that's because 1) I really do think it's good, and 2) This is almost like MPHs swan song (at least for the next year or so) because as I've previously mentioned, I'm going to be taking a good deal of time off from making power hours, in order to concentrate on other endeavors (plus I'm going to be working like crazy, in a good way, once I start back up with Shawn Levy's company in August). So, I'm exceedingly pleased with how MPH4 Kids turned out, and I can rest easy, knowing that we've got an amazing box-set of five DVDs (MPH, MPH2, MPH3, MPH4 Kids, and JBPH) ready to be released this Christmas. Also, I still very much plan on spreading MPH (for free) to college kids all across the country. I have all the materials (envelopes, stamps, dvds, cover letter) ready to go, I just need someone to assist me in my record keeping, help me hunt down addresses, and keep me on-track and on-time with my mailings. I'll also need suggestions from everyone as to who we should be mailing these copies. I'll keep you guys posted.

So that's the MPH4 Kids news. Bring on the stories from this past weekend... God, I can't wait for 3 weeks from now. This wedding is going to be awesome.

Tina's birthday, 1

First - Bry, sometimes things get slow around here and I get a few minutes to write up some posts. It's one of those situations where there are one or two other things I could do, maybe, but I'd rather feed the blog...

Anyway, I propose that we reconstruct the weekend for those who weren't there with a flurry of short posts...Also, I KNOW there's stuff that I forgot (or that happened while I was puking in the bushes) that I'd love to hear about.

To kick it off, and get you all back in the mood, here's this:



This should also be how every post begins and ends.

I actually have real work to do now so I'll come back later to check out what everyone's talking about.

Who's more now, Chris or Bryan?

Bill Simmons: I'd say Jenkees. Also, I called Time Warner to ask them for the ESPN package that didn't involve "Who's more now?" and they said it doesn't exist. So I think we're stuck with it.

"Anything you can do i can do better. I can do anything better than you"

I'd like to start my critique of one of the most half hazard top ten lists i've ever read with my favorite quote that describes the female sex.

In the movie as good as it gets, a woman stops famous author Melvin Udall in the hallway and asks "Melvin, how do you write women so well?" Melvin pauses, enters the elevator and replies, "I think of a man, and then i take away reason and accountability." After a gasp from the woman, the elevator closes.

Reasons 10, 9, 1: According to tina's post, the female orgasm is cleaner, more discrete, and easier to duplicate than the male orgasm. First of all, in reason number ten you blatantly contradict yourself: you describe a woman who will masturbate anywhere but then say that women have discretion: flicking the bick under a jcrew sweater while reading history texts on the fourth floor of the library, isn't the definition of discretion by any means. I would say that in general women are more reserved when it comes having their orgasms despite the fact that they have the ability to do it across campus without the "mess" that is the end of a male orgasm. Despite the end result that can be cleaned up by one sheet of bounty, i'd still rather have the shameless "i'll do it anywhere" attitude towards orgasms over the reserved "their too many people around" attitude. The multiple orgasm is a clear benefit. I cant top that one but I would say that on average, the female orgasm is generally more fickle than multiple.

Reason 8: We can sit and tuck just as easily as you can sit. The difference is that we can stand and pee on phones, doors, toilet seats, other people, snow, steps, cars, trees or whatever other object is in our way when we are black out drunk and ready to take a leak. And if you want to say that this ability makes us gross, I'd counter with the fact that I have seen plenty of women squat between two cars in a parking lot.

Reason 7: Blue balls is a lie men created to make women feel guilty for not putting out. While there is discomfort after a long make out session that didn't finish with a happier ending, its more the pain that we just dropped $80 bucks on dinner and have to take care of ourselves that bothers us.

Reason 6: Best reason you put out there. I'll give you this one. If i could wear a halter top and get showered in free beer and hook up opportunities every time i went out, I would too.

Reason 5: See the quote at the beginning of post. Also, I'd also like to add a quote from George Carlin "Women are crazy and men are stupid. The number one reason that women are crazy? Men are stupid." Men are just too simple for women to handle. They want to believe that we have the same irrational thoughts floating through our head, but for the most part we are just taking everything in, trying not to say something stupid, and hoping that last fart didn't smell to bad.

Reason 4: Excellent point, but these things do start to sag once you hit 40.

Reason 3: Again another good point. Anyone who saw me shove tony's phone down my pants on Saturday knows this is a fact: women just understand social graces better than men.

Reason 2: Lets just face it, women are more attractive than men: They have better physical features, they are well groomed, they smell nice, and they have a natural sexiness that men just don't. If women were really better than men, they'd know to be attracted to other women.

Reason 1: Already refuted.


Lawyered

Our list is better than yours

I don't know how I let that list of yours burn my eyeballs for so long, but I had to come up with some sort of a rebuttle. My list parallels yours not because I'm lazy, but because I don't think you considered a lot of things about why being a guy in that situation is better. So with the help of Maria, here it is:



10. Being able to orgasm whenever and wherever you want? You guys maybe could wherever you wanted, but wouldn't because it's obvious. I know a girl who would go at it during class, in the library, and god knows wherever else... we have discretion and a good time, clearly in a girl's favor.

9. No messy clean up afterwords.

8. Getting to sit down when we pee.

7. Never getting blue balls.

6. Being able to get 10 beers for free with little trouble.

5. Having overall better judgement.

4. Having boobs.

3. Having an innate understanding of people and social cues.

2. Guys.

1. Mulitple Orgasms.

Thoughts on the All Star Game

I had to get this down.

1. Jesus, how big is Placido Polanco's head? We all talk about Bonds', but damn, check out the melon on Polanco...

2. Ichiro just hit an inside-the-park home run and then looked completely disinterested while Manny did his whole towel-him-off routine. Ichiro looked bewildered and disgusted, like Manny just offered to rub ice on his inner thighs.

3. Tony LaRussa just said: "We just try to get here and score more runs than the other time, that's the point."

4. The guys in the booth have laid the following gems about steroids:

"This is not baseball's problem, MLB is doing everything it can...It's an issue of science outpacing testing"

"Other sports do it too"

And, from sideline dweeb Ken Rosenthal: "Maybe, just maybe, we'll find out that 70% of players and hitters and pitchers used steroids, and maybe then we'll be able to say BOnds was just competing with the top tier, maybe steroids was bigger than the league..." followed by Joe Buck: "Yeah, Kenny, we'll never be able to put exact dates on who started what when and who exactly used what, it's just going to be a wild goose chase until the end of time."

Really? Are they serious? If you're going to be doing Selig's dirty PR work, at least be a little less blatant. I mean, seriously Joe, isn't there an entire special Senate investigation currently working on exactly what you said could never be done? And calling it a wild goose chase? come on.

As for Ken, my response is the same as it is for my Bonds-apologist friend: I don't care if 90% of players used steroids. Bonds is still an asshole. He had a Hall of Fame career already, but was too selfish to be satisfied with it. As long as there was 1, not 1%, but 1 minor leaguer trying to make it to the bigs cleanly and legally, then what Bonds did was wrong. He's a jerk and his records should be discounted - as should those of anybody else who so clearly used steroids.

5. Finally, I'm not buying Dane Cook as MLB's new PLAYOFF pitchman in JULY. What does Dane cook know about baseball? sure he was funny (two years ago) and sure he has some good bits, but baseball? How is he anyway a credible spokesperson? At least the NBA's retarded David Blaine spots made sense internally with the whole magic or Unbelievable thing they had going. Dane Cook doesn't even do "I was in my kitchen...", he just talks about baseball. Does anybody think he is anywhere near visible enough for this job?

Ronaldhino vs. Kobe

I promised myself I wouldn't even pay attention to Who's Now, one of SportsCenter's dumbest gimmicks yet (followed closely by the farcically retarded competing bracket of irrelevance put together by those loser brothers who used to have a show on ESPN classic).

But last night was too much. Last night, Keyshawn Johnson, Mike Wilbon and Kirk College Football Herbstreit all called Koba more Now than Ronaldhino. I don't even really know what it is, but it seems like some kind of glorified popularity contest.

In what fucking world does a Top-5 player who hasn't won a championship in the the US' third tier professional sport 5 years beat out the Number 1 player in the number 1 sport in the world (for two consecutive years) who just won the European championship?

Further, Kobe's disgruntled and his GM says "what, we have andrew bynum?" whereas Ronaldhino wins the Champions League and then gets rewarded by adding another top-5 player to his team. Seriously, that would be like the 2002 Lakers adding Garnett.

That segment is so stupid.

Just a Saturday afternoon at TPC Boston

I woke up on Saturday, pulled my nicest khakis out of the laundry basket, smelled them (they smelled nice), and put them on. I tucked in my brand new blue Nike golf shirt and new spikes, had a hearty breakfast (need that energy at the turn) and turned on SportsCenter while I waited for Mike, Lukas and Sam.

Then Sam called and told me to bring a nice pair of shoes because we might be eating lunch in the clubhouse at TPC Boston. Which was where we were going to play golf that afternoon. I knew that's where we were going because Sam had sent us all an email (and Mike and Lukas an extra one that I was unaware of at the time) showing our names listed on an official players' sheet.

In the clubhouse, eh? Maybe my dirty-laundry khakis are a bit too wrinkly. So I got out the iron and ironing board, put on Golf Tips OnDemand from the Golf Channel, and set to work on those wrinkly bithces.

Nice. Smooth. Ready to rock the course, I went downstairs to meet the guys - 7-iron out on the sidewalk (that was going to be my most important club of the day) practice swings.

I got in the car, told them about the golf tips. "I hope you didn't pay for those," said Lukas. Maybe that should have given me pause, but Lukas is generally a stingy guy so I just played it off to that. (He would later pay for my fee at the driving range, part of a limo, an extra 30-rack and a number of beers.)

After a solid hour at the driving range, I felt good. Confident. Then, as we're putting all the shit into Sam's trunk, I notice this huge white limo that had been kind of idling in the parking lot behind us. "Who the fuck takes a limo to the driving range?"

Suddenly, out pops Mr. Grinch himself - "Do you guys need a ride?!" (very well rehearsed) followed by Big T, J, High School Sam, Mike, Jake, and Libs - who had the honor of driving Sam's car back to his house.

It was an all-time prank, more than deserved by me after the events of Eddie Ducksauce and the Phantom Robber, and extremely well-executed. There would be no golf. I ironed my pants (which I don't even do for work) for nothing.

Before I knew it I was pounding a Bud Extra, shotgunning a Busch Light, watching Tony take a 7 minute piss in the parking lot of the Foxy Lady.

After a heated exchange in the lobby of the Foxy Lady - when Lukas, upset that it was 21+ and they wouldn't make an exception for the best man, looked back over his shoulder while walking away like a batter who just struck out and said: "Do you have a list of other places where can give all of our money? ALOT of money? Huh? Can you tell us where to give all of our money??" - we got right back in the limo and came back to Harvard Sq. The ride back involved again stopping for me to pee outside some random gas station and then chug a Red Bull J bought (I'd need the energy, apparently.)

The rest of the night blurred by and only random scenes remain in memory. Gigantic "Condoleeza Rice" burgers at Mr. Bartley's, peeing in a doorway, a practically shotgunned Scorpion Bowl at Hong Kong, Brubaker's, foosball and an encounter with a bachelorette party at Our House, J working his mojo with some cute girls at Tonic.

Finally, Sam getting kicked out of Wings over Brookline for eating in the restaurant after 2AM and finishing his wings alone, outside, on the sidewalk.

The last thing I remember was Mike saying "Dre, you REALLY want to wake up right now", and then seeing Sam slink away with a marker. I understand there were some epic foosball battles in Apt B, too.

The aftermath on Sunday morning peeled the paint of Sam's bathroom after Sam, Mike, and J went back-to-back-to-back -- we would have had a repeat of the Sox-Yankees from earlier this year but nobody could survive the odor.

It was a great night, thanks to everyone who could make it and no biggy for those who couldn't, you all had good excuses (most of which were told to me over the phone while I was stumbling around probably peeing outside).

SammyC did an incredible job pulling it together, and set the bar high - whoever's next is going to get a ridiculous bash.

See you all at the wedding.

Update: Nathan's

Joey Chestnut just won Nathans by eating Sixty-Fucking-Six hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes. Dear God. J, please, please, provide a first-hand account of the contest.

Here, in honor of J, Chestnut and the great Kobayashi, is Man v. Beast.



I guess this means Joey Chestnut and this bear are the only anumals to ever beat Kobayashi.

Day 11: 10 Best Things About Being a Guy

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Day 10: Kobayashi v. Chestnut

This is developing into a pretty nice rivalry, with Kobayashi now billed as the 27-year-old 6-time consecutive champion and Joey Chestnut the 23-year-old start up engineering student. It's not quite Indians - Yankees in Major League, or Ullrich - Armstrong, but it's getting there.

And this year's Nathan's contest is going to be the best one yet. In May, of course, Joey Chestnut shattered Kobayashi's hot dog record, by scarfing 59 1/2 in 12 minutes (Kobayashi never got beyond 53 3/4, just ahead of Jared Smith's 10 3/4).




Then, just after that, Kobayashi announced that he would not eat on July 4th because of arthritis in his jaw, which he compared to a pitcher having torn elbow ligaments.

I don't think he was faking (although it might not be a bad strategy - Chestnut is at his high right now and a lot could have happened in a year); in fact, I think it was a brilliant piece of manipulative PR that made the most of a bad situation and changed the focus of the contest and ensure that Kobayashi's reputation does not suffer, regardless of the result on Wednesday.

First, Kobayashi announced the injury on a personal blog, and is now referring to it as 'when the information leaked out.' Second, he initially announced that he would not compete and now, after what he says is an outpouring of support from fans that, to him, sounds like a rallying cry, he has decided to tough it out. Third, a doctor is now saying he could be seriously jeopardizing his career by competing because he could aggravate the injury.

ESPN on Wednesday is going to lead with: Will the injured champion be able to tough it out against the upstart new world record holder. Before Kobayashi announced his injury, it would have been: "Is there a new champ on the block? How will Kobayashi deal with this unprecedented pressure from Chestnut?"

He's made himself the hero again, the center of attention, the main storyline. If he loses, at least he tried in the face of crippling pain. If he wins, he's an absolutely incredible eater, his legacy cemented permanently no matter what happens. Either way, we'll be tuning in on Wednesday not to see Chestnut, but to see Kobayashi. And that's just what he wanted.


As an aside: We're going to be tuning in at me and zoe's apartment on Wednesday during our 4th of July party. Drinking, drinking games, probably a Power Hour or two, and also Nathan's eating contest and fireworks on the Charles. I'd suggest coming, if possible, (probably only applies to everyone in NY). It's gonna be fun.

Day 9: Planet Earth Power Hour vs. Another Power Hour

I've had enough of this. From now on, I will have a singular purpose: Starting, engaging in, and completing a thorough debate about the merits of a Planet Earth power hour.

I've hinted at it, even commented anonymously to try and stir up interest (yeah, that wasn't SammyC being bitter). Now it's time for a full-on post.

After Kids, it should be Planet Earth, and here's why:

1. Planet Earth is a revolutionary nature documentary. The scenes are unprecedented, the footage is incredible, some animals have never before been documented. The cameras are ahead of their time. Thus, a Planet Earth Power Hour would be all of those things.

2. There are endless amounts of possible minutes. Some that come to mind now: Sharks, Dolphins, Monkeys (come on Lim - you know you could do a PH with 10 different Monkey minutes...just think, Monkeys swimming, monkey's jumping, monkeys eating, monkeys fighting)...Or we could do it like this: Chases, Stalkers, Kills, Confrontations.

3. It seems like the show was built on complementary one-minute clips. From youtube:

This clip contains two almost perfect minute-long segments. Just cut it in half:



Again, two minutes, either of which would be great in a PH...although I'd go with :57 - 1:57.



Just imagine this, near the end of a PH:



(Come on Limmer, come oooonnnn......)

Or, these 70 seconds, from :50 - 2:10 :



Alright, honestly, 60 clips would be mesmerizing. If we saved the chases and kills for the end, it would be phenomenal. I can even see a "Get The Star Jimmy" - like intensity with things like "Get the seal, shark!" or "Save your ass, Penguin!"

We would be jazzed up, awed, scared, grossed out, impressed; in short, this is worth it. If you agree, say so. If you disagree, tell me why. We need this settled so I can either drop it, or we can get to work.

Day 8: HIMYM v. Friends, Rd. 2

Well, Chris, Friends did go to Vegas, but look what happened:




If Friends can ruin Vegas and HIMYM can rock AC, there's no doubt who would be more fun in Montreal.

Now, to the more important points.

I'll grant that HIMYM is a rip-off, but is an updated, corrected, funnier version of Friends. It's more entertaining and funnier than the original.

And here's why: It's one of those rare shows, like Arrested Development, that doesn't need to fulfill any great story line to be funny. I could watch the show for years and not care if I never found out who the kids' mother is. Like the 3rd season of AD, who even knew whether Pop-Pop was in jail or not, and who even cared? Each episode was so much fun to watch that none of that stuff mattered.

Friends was way too tied to the love-lives of its central characters. Sure, HIMYM is ostensibly focused on discovering who Ted marries, but that's not focus of every single episode.

Friends was, essentially, a sit-com version of Grey's Anatomy. Because it was a sit-com, and because its characters were quirky, it produced isolated very funny moments in isolated shows. However, in the end, people are drawn to whether Rachel and Ross or Meredith and Derek are going to end up together.

HIMYM, on the other hand, is like House. You've got some really cool people dealing with really cool circumstances in very interesting self-contained episodes that may or may not push along the plot of the show as a whole.

Who'd rather watch Grey's Anatomy than House (other than Zoe and Chris?)

Just like House rocks Grey's Anatomy, HIMYM rocks Friends.

GREAT day yesterday

SammyC came through in a big way yesterday. His company was organizing a sponsor appreciation day and needed some people to help out - with helping out meaning come to Fenway Park and throw BP to the big spenders. Lukas, Sam's current roommate Mike Darman and I got to go. Here are pictures:









Last night we also helped fold a gigantic banner and pull it up on top of the Monster. So, when you see that thing drop before the game tonight, know that 613 was all over it.

All in all, it was an incredible experience.

Day 7: HIMYM vs. Friends Rd. 1

There is no arguing that these shows are practically carbon copies. Groups of friends, rarely seen at work, mostly seen at their post-work drinking establishment (coffee for pussies, beer for awesomeness), in a show based on relationships between recurring characters - plus one womanizer.



The debate over which is better will rage (hopefully Rd. 2 and beyond will take place in Comments) but I'm here to weigh in. And to do make my decision, I'll ask this: Which characters would you rather go to Montreal for the weekend with?

My rational: Giving a half hour of your time every week to watch the characters in their day-to-day lives is a very big committment. For that committment to be justified, I think the people you're watching should be cool. What better way to see how cool someone is than to see if you'd like to spend a weekend with them in Montreal?

(Note: I would put this in Vegas, but I've never been. We all need to do a trip there together, and soon. Rand, I know you're in. Maybe a long weekend this winter?)

So, here goes.

The best way to break this down is to compare the complementary characters: Barney/Joey, Ted/Ross, Marshall/Chandler, Monica/Lily, Pheobe & Rachel/Robin.

Barney has the edge over Joey. Yes, they will both spend a lot of time bringing hot girls back to the group, which is fine, and yes, continually being told to Suit Up for something Legendary *may* get a bit old come Sunday afternoon. The key point is this: Barney will be so into making sure that everyone else has a good time that he will constantly be coming up with cool activities probably meticulously researched before (so we won't have to do that) and he will also probably be springing for cool drinks just because. Joey seems like he'll follow along and may stumble into something cool, but that's as far as he would go. And he definitely wouldn't be buying us all rounds of car bombs.

(If you doubt how important that is, remember Rand stepping up at the Lehigh Valley House? I was barely into my conversation with the guys who thought
This guy: (David Lighty)


Was this guy:



when Lim tapped me on the shoulder and said 'Car bombs, other room, now.' That was awesome.)


Anyway, there would be a lot of moments like that with Barney, so he gets the point.


As for Marshall and Ted vs. Ross and Chandler; I just don't feel like it's a contest here. If you want someone who'll be talking geology and whining over his latest girlfriend while you're (accurately) predicting every roullete ball, pick Ross. If you want someone who can explain how exactly that bio-dome stays standing - and what it's for - pick Ted. Likewise, Marshall can either be the butt of jokes (with Lily), or the instigator, because he would inevitably lawyer someone (who's most likely to get lawyered?) on at least three separate occasions. Chandler, on the other hand, desperate for attention, would shower us with lame-ass jokes until, at last, one of them hit.

Granted, Ted and Marshall do lose some points for the Bachelor Party episode. However, the party they had planned did sound like a whole lot of fun too, and who knows what would happen in Montreal. Barney loses a point because of the stripper he hires during that episode and the weird show she performs. We'd have to keep his dark side in check. Even so, I think that would be fun. And I think the bitterness factor with Ted and Marshall is low enough so that we could mess with them.

As for the girls, no doubt at all. Monica would have actually died on the spot if she'd seen the Econo-Lodge room, and that would have made the weekend slightly less enjoyable (they probably have naked funeral homes there, but that wouldn't be all that fun.) Rachel: too prissy. Pheobe might be fun, but also might not. It would be hit or miss.

Lily and Robin, on the other hand, would knock it out of the park. Robin would be so intent on proving her independence that she would probably lead the charge to some cool bars and maybe a strip club (I can't remember how she reacted in the Bachelor Party) but I know that she would want to Cronkite with me. Lily is cooler than both of them, without even needing an argument to back it up.

Of course, there's always the chance that the HIMYM cast might break into this:


Of course, there's always the chance that Joey might stay in character too long and wind up with this:



(which may not be that bad too watch)


Of course, there's also the chance that, if we're left alone with Joey too long, he'd break into this:



(Which is bad, unless you're SammyC.)


In the end, the HIMYM cast would be much more fun to spend a weekend in Montreal with.