This is a bonus four-part comparison to ensure these two weeks get off to a fast start - like the Sox building a 13 1/2 game lead so that they can withstand the Yankees' inevitable 9-game win streak and still be up by 10 games with the break only 3 weeks away. (That's right, Lukas, the winning streak is over and the deficit is growing again. You worried yet?)
So here it is: Who's more badass, Shark, Crocodile, Snake, or Octopus?
This is well worth the time it takes to watch clips - including two from Planet Earth, easily the best show on TV the past few months and one of the smartest DVD purchases I've ever made. (On a side note, how do we feel about a Planet Earth Century Mark? We don't have a CM yet that I'm aware of, and this is the PERFECT opportunity. I can see the chapters already: Awesome Hunts/Kills, Foxes, Babies, Never-Before-Seen Animals...it goes on. Each could have at least 5 minutes in it, if not 10.)
Now, to the comparisons.
Shark:
Watch this and tell me Sharks as a species aren't the most badass animal in the world. They can swim 40mph, jump 10 feet out of the water, swallow a good-sized seal whole.
Crocodile:
Well, damn, that's pretty badass too. I give extra points for the combination of sneakiness, speed, sheer power, and brutal determination (an hour to drown a wildebeest? My god.)
Now we come to the wildcards, Octopus and Snake. They made the list solely due to their ability to play ball with Sharks and Crocodiles, who are both clearly pretty BAMF.
First, Octopus:
Granted, the shark in that video is not a great white. However, the octopus isn't a giant octopus either. If sharks are the most badass creatures they should be able to handle every predator in their respective weight class. Kind of like how, if we wanted to name one baseball franchise the best ever, I think it would need to dominate MLB, AAA, AA, and A. If its AA team is constantly getting killed by octopi, it shouldn't be called the best franchise ever. Disagree? Take it up in the comments.
Snake:
Not to be outdone, Snake says "I'm an invertebrate that can also devour the predominant hunter in my environment." (For further evidence of the snake's prowess, YouTube "Snake swallows hippo". Seriously.)
Yesterday I left the choice up to you and nobody said a damn thing; today, I'm choosing and you can debate my choice.
....
Crocodile. In addition to size and speed, they are stealthy my underwater and have steel-trap jaws. I've always wanted steel trap jaws. I also like the second eye-lid that let's them see underwater.
You may say Sharks are more badass. I disagree, for three key reasons: Sharks spend their entire lives swimming, alone. They are constantly chasing their prey, running them down. And they are solitary. Crocodiles, on the other hand, spend most of their days sunning themselves in ferocious-looking colonies. They let the wildebeest come to them and then spring into action. The wait-until-they get here attitude makes them more badass in the same way that it makes Michael Corleone more badass than Tony Montana - through cool, intelligent, lethal, confidence.
Two, crocs can hunt and kill on land AND on water. That versatility is key.
Finally, dolphins kill Sharks, and while that may say something about dolphins' badness, it seriously damages the Shark's claim. In any case, there's no way you'll see a fresh-water dolphin hunting and killing a crocodile. Will you?
Also, Crocodiles mercilessly subject their victims to long and agonizing death-by-drowning - which is on par with death-by-squeezing and more brutal than swallowing whole in 2 seconds or less. They have also been around in some form or another since dinosaur times. In a word, BAMF.
Octopus and Snake just didn't do it for me. Both are creepy as hell but lack the in-your-face tenacity that crocs have, and that I think is an essential part of being a badass.
Bonus video. This had to be included, and led me to briefly entertain the idea of putting wildebeests on the ballot. For one, the baby survives the ordeal, and two, the daddy-beest throws a lion.
Just watch:
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4 comments:
I just couldnt pick a winner from yesterday's post.
I like your argument but i'd like to point out one thing: gator wrestling.
Man has been able to tame gators by their secret pressure point that makes them fall asleep. The idea that humans can some how tame or control them is a sign of weakness for me.
The Great white shark cannot be controled by humans. Their layers of razor sharp teeth are easily as bamf as a steel trap jaw.
Sammy - a good point. I would counter with stories about surfers who have been bitten by sharks and then let go after punching the shark in the face or gouging its eye. For that reason, i still think steel trap jaws are more bamf than razor teeth.
When a croc bites, it doesn't let go:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b82t-pQ-SK8
Dre, the point that you made that sold me on the crocs was the Corleone/Montana comparison
very eloquently put
Also, for some promotion at Borders, they put a tv up in the music/dvd section that will be playing Planet Earth on a loop until August.
Needless to say, whenever i am assigned to the information desk up there, have to shelve shit in the area i get pulled into watching.
While this set up may do wonders for the sales of the dvd and book, it is doing one hell of a job cuttin down on employee productivity
Further reading:
http://www.elasmo-research.org/education/topics/r_bites.htm
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