So, is it worse to be this guy's girlfriend:
Or his girlfriend:
1. The 750 Pound Man
He used to only weigh 400 pounds. But one day he was making himself a sandwich and his knees gave way. Unable to stand, he crawled to his bed; he's been there ever since and has put on more than 350 pounds.
That means that his girlfriend, and he has one, is responsible for spelunking into his ass crack to wipe out whatever happens to (probably constantly) be dribbling out of his oversized anus. It's treacherous work, given all of the bedsores.
There's also the fact that he can, in no way, sexually satisfy her. Unless, of course, she parts the folds of skin that no doubt encapsulate his penis; which may itself be little more than a bed sore by now.
He doesn't fit in any clothes (meaning she's exposed to all kinds of naked, good and bad), he has bigger boobs than her, and, unless she has ready access to a forklift and knows how to drive it, they never get to go out.
Seems pretty bad to me.
The Tomcat
At first, this seems to be the run away winner. He probably minds his own business, likes to be alone, brings her presents (the occasional bird's head or dead mouse) and seems to take pretty good care of himself.
He's well-groomed, practices good hygiene, is able to use the toilet, and is, generally, self-sufficient.
The problem, though, is sex. They have to have it, in fact, it's really your only duty as his girlfriend. So, is it that bad? Well, yes. According to multiple sources, including the Tomcat entry on www.zoophile.com (a highly credible website which includes how-to guides ranging from "How to have sex with a boar" to "How to romance a dolphin"), the tomcat's penis is covered in tiny spines.
"Once inside her, he begins shoving hornily, ejaculates, and not more than five seconds later, the tom withdraws. Thereby, his sharp spines rub against her sensitive vaginal walls and her g-spot; she hisses arousedly, snaps at him; he jumps away."
So wait, you get five seconds of sex, then searing pan along the entire depth of your vagina prompting you to attack your lover who jumps away and retreats to lick himself? Jesus.
This one is really, really a toss up. On the one hand, the pros of being the 750 pound man's gf include being a human, not having to have sex with Kevin Spacey from "Seven", and, well, those are really the only two. The pro's of being the cat include incredible quickness and jumping ability and being able to nap all day.
I leave the decision to you all, what's worse?
1 comment:
Why can't the fat man use his tongue to please his girlfriend..from the looks of him he's obvioulsy very handy with his mouth... I mean he didn't that way without using it.
On another note that cat picture is awesome...he makes me laugh almost as much as monkeys.
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