613 Hudson

Rooting for a losing team is like being stuck in a bad relationship. You try to leave; I mean, you really try to leave, but as soon as the circumstances seem just right they surprise you by returning a fumble for a touchdown on the first play of the season. And just as you've leaped off the couch, as your entire body reaches blissful weightlessness, you realize that you'll never leave them. You can't.

You hate them, but they leave you wanting more. Like that one perfect golf shot among 54 piss poor ones, certain stats stick in the back of your mind. 'At least they owned the National League this year' ... 'Leading the league in grand slams is really promising.'

But they can never put it all together at just the right time to utter those three magic words you crave. 'Bases loaded single.' At points, they're simply incredible. Briefly, just for one play, they're the best outfielders in baseball playoff history. But then you come crashing down and realize that you're in for another 5 months of no communication, then a long brutal slog through the dog days.

That's why FOX's new Tommy Lasorda ad campaign is an insult to true fans. By trying to guilt us in to rooting for baseball, not for our teams, it completely ignores the true relationship between a fan and his chosen ballclub. Who in their right minds would go through a seven month, hellish relationship (only to be broken up with the day before the prom) and then drive to the goddam prom to vote for the King and Queen.

It's the most basic of principles. The last thing an unhappy couple want to see is, clearly, a happy one. Not only that, the ads target those people who are not only in mildly dysfunctional, but downright abusive ones. The Indians? The Cubs?! In sports terms (which in no way reflects the real-world accuracy of this analogy) that's like saying, Why don't you go get thrown down the stairs for seven months then come over to my house and watch me f*ck the prom queen.

Screw that and screw FOX for that campaign.

Here's to October 2007, when the Mets will await the winner of the Boston-Cleveland ALCS. Next year will be different, I swear. They're getting better, really, next year will be different.