The Gauntlet

If you have yet to watch this week's episode of the addictive, MTV version of adult summer camp for aimless, former reality TV stars --- you should not read any further...

For those of you who are fans, I figured I'd weigh in on this week's past episode. If Bill Simmons can address two Gauntlet-related questions in a recent mailbag, I assumed it would be okay for me to use this blog to discuss one of 613's favorite contestants on the show: Derek.

It seems like we've all grown attached to Derek. And I'm pretty sure I can pinpoint the exact moment that this lovefest began: it was when he broke out the funnel in the previous season... (did any other cast members join him, or even know what he was doing?)

He loves to drink, he's tough, he's got heart, and he's always trying to prove himself. Which is why we shouldn't have been surprised that he chose to take on a big black dude who outweighed him by 80-some pounds in an event that favors the larger bodies ("Beach Brawl"). But just because we shouldn't have been surprised, doesn't mean that we weren't right to be scared.

During his season on Road Rules, Derek challenged the alpha male of the group (some tall, strong, athletic guy) to a wrestling match in the dirt outside the Winnebago. Derek wasn't necessarily trying to start trouble, but he was drunk and looking to prove himself. Unlike Cyrus, the alpha male guy wasn't a chump. He tossed Derek around with minimal difficulty and pinned him repeatedly. Derek, convinced he could win, refused to give up... he never won. So while his underdog complex, incredible intensity, and immense pride can help him to overcome challenges that seem insurmountable, those traits can also lead him to embarrassment and defeat. He's got to be careful.

To be honest, I didn't think he was going to win. And no, it was not because of Chris' acting job when he tried to fool us into thinking that he would actually give away the ending to an episode with his down-trotten demeanor and in the process, ruin our viewing experience (as Vaughn would say, "you're better than that.") It just didn't seem like Derek would be able to move Cyrus --- no matter how low he got, and no matter how many times he walked up and down the beach by himself with his hood pulled up. I thought he should have definitely chosen the climbing event. In "Beach Brawl," all Cyrus had to do was lean on him, fall on top of him - a fact that he learned too late, once he was already down 2 games to none.

It was a great showing by Derek, I don't want to downplay that. But I think that we, the viewers, overestimated Cyrus' abilities and heart. He really proved himself to be a pushover. Even when he got mad after the first point, an obvious tactic to psyche himself up since he had done little mental or physical preparation, it never looked like he knew what he was doing, or even cared enough to figure out what was necessary and do it. One of the cast members said something to the effect of - I think the Veteran Guys are getting scared 'cause they know that they might have to face Derek in the Gauntlet, and they won't win against him.

Maybe that's true. Maybe this sent a message. Derek prefaced his "Beach Brawl" decision with the words: "I'll go out on a limb here..." But maybe he knew exactly what he was doing. Cyrus was the heaviest guy and if Derek could chop him down, he'd prove that he could chop down anyone else.

It's true that Cyrus was the heaviest, but he certainly wasn't the strongest or most skilled of the remaining Veteran Guys. Brad, David, and Mark would probably pose a lot tougher competition in "Beach Braw." I'm not saying that Derek should doubt himself in this event . Not doubting, or even thinking too much about anything, is what has gotten him this far. I just don't want him to assume that "Beach Brawl" is his bread and butter. He's got to look at each opponent differently and play to his own strengths; not just his Napoleon Complex.

On another note, our DVR recording of "There and Back" cut out before the end, so I hope Mark can let me know if anything important happened. That can be our new Tuesday lunch show. What do you say Bry?

That new, fake version of "Laguna Beach" (which is a fake version of "The OC" (which is a fake version of "90201")) looks stupid. I suppose it's okay for high school kids to only discuss crushes and dances, never once touching upon anything remotely insightful. But the characters on this show are somewhat grown-up (at least in age). I don't want to see the same high school dynamic applied to a show with 20-something year-olds. Here's to hoping we don't get hooked.

Long live "Rich Girls" --- "We must have done something really good in our past lives to be here now... Benjamin Franklin was born on my birthday, Muhammad Ali was born on my birthday, maybe I was one of them."

God this is sad that we watch crappy MTV shows.