How could anyone even try to encapsulate Limmer's alcoholic escapades throughout the four years we spent in college? It's like trying to stuff fake snakes back into a can marked "peanuts" after you pulled a cliche prank on Dre (...because apparently, people who grew up on farms aren't familiar with the standard gag gifts sold at Spencer's: remember how excited he was when he learned about fish-flavored candy and fart-tasting gum). My point is, once you let those snakes loose there's no way you're fitting them back into some small container (...or maybe I just had trouble because I lack utilitarian skills). Well Limmer's exploits are gi-normous and their legend grows with each passing day. They require an encyclopedia volume all to themselves. Unfortunately, at this time, I can only offer them this post on 613 Hudson.blogspot. With that said, I would love to gather all the amateur photos, newspaper articles, term papers, police reports, and video production projects that centered around Limmer's love of the hoppy hooch. That's an award-winning documentary just waiting to be pieced together... (however, it’s more of a long-term project for way down the road). In this post, I simply aim to address what I believe were Limmer's TOP 5 Most Drunkest Nights in College. Obviously, my list isn't completely comprehensive (there was a 20-month stretch, from 2nd semester sophomore year until 1st semester senior year, in which Limmer and I attended classes 3000 miles apart from each other), and I'm sure that most of my choices are open to criticism (because I've only included nights when we were hanging out together... I wasn't even there for his 21st birthday… I guess it’s more like “Lim’s TOP 5” as witnessed by Rand). Also there were, most likely, several nights when he was off-his-ass wasted, but nothing truly significant occurred --- thus highlighting the central flaw in my argument... I focus on quality, not quantity. Alright, enough clarifications. In my humble opinion, these are the most memorable, least sober, absolutely hilarious, drunken nights of Limmer. Please feel free to refute my claims and compose your very own Top 5.
Let's start with the Close Calls:
"An Entire 30 Rack: All in a day's work" - Towards the end of first semester sophomore year, Limmer decided he would drink 30 beers in one day, all by himself. He stored them under his bed and the binge began in the late afternoon (he didn't even need to start in the early morning). Friends of his from home came to visit, but I can't quite remember any other details. I just know that by 12 o'clock that night, those beers were gone.
"24 Hours in Mexico" - We started drinking in the early evening. Here's what we each consumed before entering an all-you-can-drink club later on that night: Two margheritas, three beers, two mixed drinks, three more beers... and then the real imbibing began. Once the free drinks kicked in at the club, Limmer left me in the dust and Shotty did his best to keep up. By the time we left, I was black-out drunk, Shott was snapping photos left and right, and Limmer was skulking around looking for more alcohol. We climbed a 12-foot high fence (for some unknown reason... maybe we saw some poetic justice in Americans scaling a Mexican fence) and Limmer slit his jeans wide open while trying to flip himself over.
"Where the Hell are Bry and Rand" - During first semester sophomore year, the residents of Garden 27-3-7 attended a couple of parties up in the Circles. On one such occasion, I drove my car up and stored our beer in the trunk. At 2 am, Lim had reached about 20 deep, but still showed no signs of stopping. Since everyone else had finished drinking long before, I told him we were walking back. He wanted me to leave him with more beer and I said that we would save it for another night... this act of defiance awoke Angry Limmer and led to one of the only (verbal) fights I've ever had with Lim. On the walk home, Bry and I stayed 50 feet ahead of Limmer. He would run to catch up with us and we'd let him get close, but as soon as he reached us, we'd take off again. When Lim finally made it home, he threw open the door and barked, "Where the hell are Bry and Rand?"; to which I responded, "Right here motherf#cker"
And now... the TOP 5:
5. "Booooooooger!!" - Freshman year Cortaca Jug, was the first time that some of us saw Limmer really hammer beers. The weather was crappy on our drive up to Cortland and we got there a little later than expected. If we wanted to hit up the bars, we were going to have to take off shortly after our arrival. So, we began pounding beers and I remember being purely astonished by the rate at which Limmer could slam a can. The rest of us were averaging around one beer every 7-10 minutes. Lim spent no more than 3 minutes on each. When we got to the bar, which doubled as a dance club, we had a difficult time getting drinks, and we ended up pulling a “Mark and Shotty” (…drinking “wounded soldiers” left by strangers). After the bar, we returned to Bry’s sister’s friend’s house and downed beers until the early morning. Honestly, this wasn’t one of the drunkest I’ve ever seen Lim, but I included it because of the inside jokes it led to (“Tony Copilano,” “Booooooger,” and “…you stick around, we’ll get that number”). Also, it was the first time several of us were on-hand to observe the true drinking capabilities of Lim.
4. “Puking on a sports car” - Billy Edelin and Carmelo Anthony were supposed to stop by and visit us that night (or at least that's what we were promised by Poole's friend). We got decently drunk playing darts and Asshole up in Poole's Circle apartment, then decided to head down to a party at the VoiceStream house. Unbeknownst to just about everyone, Limmer had consumed an entire 20 oz. Coke bottle of straight Jack. I thought it was Coke, or at least some mixture of Jack and Coke... how foolish of me. Poole's friend drove us down to the party, and shortly after exiting her vehicle, Limmer turned to me (with his eyes rolled back) and asked, "Should I puke on this car?" It was some sort of an expensive sports car, I can't remember the make and model, but I told him to go for it… and Limmer let loose. I can only remember a handful of other times when Limmer threw up (Halloween sophomore year, Case Race sophomore year, and Saint Paddy's Day senior year... I'm positive there were many more, but those are the ones that stand out to me).
3. "I Found a Short Cut" - Freshman year, we were all sitting in Lim and Hoefl's room late at night, peacefully (if drunkenly) devouring our DP Dough. Some of us were watching the TV screen, and others were talking amongst themselves. Lim was quietly stationed in front of his old-school computer (this was pre-laptop days), mumbling in frustration. No one was paying much attention to him --- until he reared back and caught his computer with a knockout blow. We all stared at Lim in surprise. The monitor went black for a few seconds, while it took a deep breath and gathered its balance, and then reset itself. Lim laughed and reported to everyone, “Haha… I found a short cut.” Limmer, who had previously been described by every female we came in contact with as a “Big Teddy Bear”, now displayed shades of a “Hulk”-like darker side (…or ”Miz”-like, if you will).
2. “The Missing Table Leg” – It was a cold evening during the winter of our first year at college. We were in the middle of our kleptomaniac phase, and coincidentally, we had just begun hanging out with Mark. Our party pad of choice was the freshmen girl magnet known as: “The Den.” Limmer knew the upperclassmen that lived there because a certain “slutty” hometown friend attracted a good deal of attention from the den residents. Like always, Lim became fast friends with the party hosts. Before long, he could come, go, and drink (all their alcohol) as he pleased. Well on this certain night, I vividly recall Mark getting wrecked on Aftershock and Limmer chugging along like a marathon man. As the night rolled on, the party thinned out, and we decided we better head home. Lim told us that he just needed to use the bathroom for a second. He quickly snagged an unopened bottle of wine and shut the door. About a minute later, Lim exited the party, toting a broken table leg… leaving the empty wine bottle in his wake.
1. "It's Not as Bad as You'd Think"
Saint Paddy’s Day senior year had to be the drunkest I’ve ever seen Limmer. He and his friend Jon grabbed beers down in the Commons at the "break of dawn" (which is to say: a little before noon). When he finally returned to 613 in the mid-afternoon, Lim was definitely tipsy, but he proceeded to astonish us all with a moment that will live on in collegiate folklore forever (thanks to College Power Hour)... he took a quintiple shot of whiskey (that's nearly 8 ounces) and then chased that with a sip of vodka tonic. Before agreeing to take the monster shot, he made everyone promise to give him more whiskey later. When questioned as to how this big, gulping achievement left him feeling, Limmer responded: "It's not as bad as you'd think." He passed out around 5pm and few of us believed he'd even be able to walk again (for the rest of the night), but within two hours he was back at it: downing car bombs, slurping JELLO shots, and chugging whiskey 'til the early morning.
